5 reasons why you have to be braver to put out an online dating profile than you have to be to write the follow-up post to something that was both freshly pressed AND about gender

Nothing says “Nice to meet you” like a giant stuffed bear.

*Note: I am not currently online dating, as my husband might think that was weird. But breaks in routine are pretty normal for us here at [writing] between friends, and we felt like our new followers should get used to that. Besides, recent conversations with friends basically wrote the piece for me, while the one about raising boys is proving a bit more complicated…

 **Other Note: We’re so happy to have new voices in the conversation! Thank you and welcome to all of our new readers.

  1. The staggering number of user names that end in “-asaurus.”
  2. After setting up her first online dating profile, my friend was quickly matched with an ex-boyfriend. They’d dated many years before, so I asked if she’d consider going out with him again. She told me he was wearing a werewolf costume in his profile picture.
  3. The DATES. Like the guy who talked the whole time about the chain mail he was constructing. Or the guy who said he didn’t have a home because he traveled all the time, when he actually still lived with his parents.  Or the guy who, in response to “So what do you do for fun?” said, “Stuff like this is fine” and then went back to staring at the ceiling. Or the guy who brought a giant, carnival-style pink stuffed teddy bear to the door on the first date.
  4. After being “out there” only a month, my friend has been propositioned by not one, but TWO, self-described “well-endowed” Russian gentlemen.
  5. If you’re feeling like maybe I was a little rough on the “-asaurus” guys, maybe you’re right. I mean, among their competition: Husband4free, Ginger-Viking, and DARTH VIAGRA.

Cheers to you, Online Daters.

Got a good online dating story?  Please share it in the comments, if you feel so inclined.

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13 thoughts on “5 reasons why you have to be braver to put out an online dating profile than you have to be to write the follow-up post to something that was both freshly pressed AND about gender

  1. Dude. Who is your friend? Darth Viagra messaged me too, and I went OFF on him (with some profane words that I would never use in polite company) in a couple of replies before blocking him. What a creep. I think he’s in prison. His profile says he’s from Leavenworth. No. Joke.

    However, I think it might be time for me to write my own online dating blog post. It is – or at least, can be – a weird world, but I honestly think the girls who have the worst stories are the ones who are doing it wrong. But, that’s just me. I’ll save my stories for my own post… 🙂

    PS – I’m with you, btw. The only response I could come up with to Maria’s last post was, “Errrrr… You’re very smart.”

  2. I have a few gems, but my favorite is about the guy who told me he and his wife broke up because they started wife swapping, only she was getting all the invites back and was told to leave him at home the next time. I’m supposed to feel sorry for him, I suppose?
    P.S. I always insist on paying for dinner when I’m sure it’s going to be a one-time deal. It was worth the money just to hear this guy’s backstory.

    • Ah the classic I-swapped-my-wife-and-then-she-realized-how-crappy-she-had-it story. I can’t believe that didn’t make you fall head over heels.

  3. Sometimes I browse the men’s profiles and think, I like all those things! Then I message them and say something like, we should go on a bro-date. Then, they’re like, dude, I’m not into guys. And I’m like, neither am I! We have so much in common! This will be awesome! Then things get weird and they stop messaging me.

    Seriously though, I think if people look for a romantic relationship from an online relationship right out of the gate, they’re going to have a bad time.

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