- When someone’s been flamingoed, do they really need a sign that says, “You’ve been flamingoed!” ?
- Is spreading vegenaise on my ham-and-cheese sandwich what they mean when they say, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”?
- The older my kids get, the more I like them. Babies are overrated.
- If your God is genuinely concerned with how many “likes” he has on Facebook, it may be time to explore other religions.
- For job-security purposes, it may not be in my therapist’s best interest to straighten me out.
- Is there an amendment in the constitution that protects my rights from other amendments?
- Is it possible to just give money directly to cancer research and admit that you enjoy shaving your facial hair into ridiculous styles for no reason?
- Are my aversions to the words “panties,” “membranes,” and “woman,” all connected to 6th grade health class?
- People who take pride in their jobs, no matter what the work, are so good to be around.
- Being a grown-up is actually pretty fun.
Feel free to leave your own in the comments…